It’s been a long time since I’ve used the word “panic attack“. Mainly so since it’s not a common occurrence (and I’m not in the academe setting to discuss such psychological word). But this morning, it was the exact phrase that came into my mind as I was trying to describe what I was feeling.
As I may have mentioned in previous posts, I’m currently stressing out on two main things: my dad’s health and my work. I woke up this morning alone in the house since my dad had his scheduled ultrasound today. I guess he and my mom already went to the hospital. How I wanted to accompany them but I had pending matters to attend to at work. Does that make me a bad daughter? Sometimes I feel so too. But it wouldn’t be much help if I’ll be showing them how worried sick I really am.
Being at work was equally stressful. Too many things to rush on to. I would have taken it easy but if I really wanted to avoid more “talk” from my new boss especially since I asked her to let me go home a day after my flight to Manila with them. Add to that, I wanted to drown out my fear of the unexpected.
Another “stressor” from work was the decision of my utility to resign. Turns out one of my officemates reprimanded him in a NOT professional way. On my part I was offended since he was under my department and I was his immediate head. And frankly, the way she reprimanded my subordinate was downright rude. But there’s something to be said about too much affinity with the wrong sort. *SIGH* My utility even left in the middle of his work causing more anger from my officemate (whom I also had a fall-0ut a few months back – and still do), who, in my book, just goes to show her guilt-less personality.
ARGH! Could the day get any worse?
Spoke to soon. Turns out my dad wasn’t able to go through with his scheduled ultrasound. He lost his referral slip and had to reschedule. Now I’m worrying more and more.
By midmorning, I’ve been feeling sudden palpitations and mild discomfort with the atmosphere around me. I was feeling cold inside, then having hot flashes, coupled with weakened knees. I kept wanting to escape but ending up not knowing what to do.
I reviewed the symptoms of panic attacks and it turns out what I felt earlier was already signs of panic attack (slightly mild though). The hot flashes, sweating, palpitations, weakness in the knees, and the “fight-or-flight” instinct was triggered by the level of things that I was stressing out on and is still on-going.
Sometimes I really wish I could just slip away. But somehow, that’s the pits in being raised as a “responsible” person. Too high a sense of dedication to a task given.
Well, better finish up what I can here at work then head for home to face my other responsibilities.