Monthly Archives: November 2010
One of my many responsibilities as an HR but rarely practiced since there aren’t THAT much labor cases in our plant. But the off chances that there are, I should be there. Not one of my strong areas and definitely not one of my cup of tea. I hate having to be the bearer of bad news (especially in worse case scenarios), and witness the breaking down of strong men.
This afternoon was no different. At the last minute, I had to serve a preventive suspension memo to one of my officemates. Actually, my role was only to assist the Department Head. But I ended up being the one explaining the memo and serving it. Sheesh!!! I know I’m supposed to be “pro” management but I should also be a middleman, unfortunately, being both doesn’t ease the discomfort you’ll feel after the message sinks in. Listening to the side of the employee, you would also understand how and why they’re feeling hurt and how unfair management sometimes (most of the time) is.
Okay, I admit. A number of labor cases deserve what’s coming to them. But what gets my goat is trying to coerce an employee in saying something that they have no idea on and use it against them. Talk about abuse! And there are other times that bribes come in place. I mean. Come on! That’s totally uncalled for! And that’s how management represents the owner.
Gee… I’m saying too little but I think I’ve said too much already. So I better keep mum about it. I just hope I can find an alternative soon once I turn in my 2 weeks notice.
I’ve always fancied masks. More so now that there are a number of designs available in common malls. Too bad though that I don’t have funds to start my collection. Anyway, I read somewhere a certain Mask poem that I wasn’t able to memorize or grab the author of. So I’m searching for it over the internet. Still haven’t found it, but I read one poem that I’d like to share. Here goes:
“What is that?” I hear you say,
as if you didn’t know.
It’s with me every waking step,
everywhere I go.
It keeps me free from other’s gaze,
shelters me from harm.
With it’s help I solve the maze,
no panic, only calm.
Yet wearing it, I live a lie,
my certainty it shatters.
If you believe that honesty
is all that really matters.
To be myself is what I need,
my fear takes me to task.
Why can’t I simply be as me,
and live without my mask?
I just wanted to shout out my excitement in being able to have a group chat with my friends at Facebook. Yeah I know it’s just an ordinary thing. But for me, it’s a great alternative! Especially now that my YM isn’t working at it’s optimum level. I think there’s something wrong with my computer. Poor baby lappy. huhuhu
Anyway, for those who want to try out Facebook group chat, you can start with creating a specific group for a couple of your friends. Once they’ve approved joining the group, you can see their names there. Then in your group page, you can see under the Members portion (upper right corner and just below the EDIT GROUP and EDIT GROUP SETTINGS option) Chat with Group. Then that’s it! For members who are currently online, a “chatbox” would pop up on their Facebook page.
Sounds fun right? Don’t take my word for it. Try it! 🙂
I tried something new to myself for today. I’m not sure how my friends would react when they see me though. Hopefully it’ll be positive. I’ve wanted to try it out for quite some time already but never got to because my dad usually forgets to include me in availing for his supply.
Although I’m quite concerned of it’s adverse effects, I’m psyched seeing a transformation to my appearance.
Went out with my mom today just for a change of scenery. Didn’t have much money but it turned out to be okay. We wanted to buy a new television set. Unfortunately, our budget didn’t allow it. So I treated her lunch at Pancake house. Dinner at Red Ribbon. In between, we window shopped around SM City and at Gaisano Mall.
I brought her a necklace that I thought would be fitting for her to use in both her casual and formal meetings. I’m a bit tired but I had fun! One thing I enjoyed was being with my mom and seeing her like a kid again. Although I think I tired her out much. She’s already upstairs to get some rest.
I just want to share one picture I took.
That about sums it up. Physically… emotionally… but not yet to the point of being mental. I’m really tired. I see no sense in faking to like my job when I’m not happy anymore. Sure there are some moments that make me happy but it’s not enough to take away the pain and the feelings of being treated like dirt. Add to that, I’m feeling my temperature rising not because of holding in my anger, but from a slight fever.
I don’t like being sick. But most of the time I welcome it because it proves I’m human. I seldom get sick except in extreme cases.
My mind is starting to wander again. I think I’ll take a break now so that I can still rest a bit before I travel back home.
I dreamt of my dad last night. It was both, real and surreal. The whole scene was familiar and strange. We were at home. Dad was there and I knew and he knew he already passed away. I was asking him how he felt the whole time he was still in the ICU and how it was like to die. I remember him replying that he already had a hunch that he was sick of cancer. That it was ok. And I think he said something about being worried for us. Not sure. The rest of my dream was hazy. I was intent of having a few pictures of both of us while he was there because I knew he would be leaving soon. Then as we were going to head out with my mom, the scene changed into a sidewalk scene with my dad’s car driven by my older brother. Then at the back seat was my dad’s sister, my cousin, and my niece and nephew from my cousin. Then we got on the car and then I woke up.
What could it have meant? Last night one of my officemates asked me if my dad made his presence known to me then by coincidence, I dreamed of him. Some said I should dedicate mass for him, another said my dad’s astral projection was communicating with me (since it is believed that the spirit does not leave the earth until it’s 4oth day since death). Mom wanted to know what we were exactly saying to each other in my dream. Unfortunately, I’m slow in memory. But nevertheless, I got the most important thing (for me anyway) I wanted to find out.
I’m really missing him. There are a lot of things I want to share with him right now. Tears still flow every once in a while especially when I play some songs that remind me of him.
It’s been more than a week since my dad passed away. I’m still figuring out if it’s been quite long already. But I guess the hustle and bustle of every single day since he died – from the hospital to transporting his remains to the funeral parlor; the preparations of his wake; settling bills at the hospital; interment; death certificate processing; and the current daily prayers for 9 days – seem to put me in auto pilot. I still haven’t fully grieved yet. At times I find myself thinking when will Dad be coming home, when will I get to hear his voice, or what his opinion would be about some random thought running through my brain.
At times I believe I’ve come to accept that he’s truly gone, but I’m still searching for his presence. A lot have said it’s normal, but how can it be normal when you started your life knowing your parents have always been around you. Although at most times, they’ve been pushed into the background, but they’re there nonetheless.
God, I hate this…
I’ve lost interest in going to work. I’m still on leave so I’m not playing hokey. But if I had other options (means of earning money outside work), I would quit altogether. Sad to say, I still have no alternative plans. So I guess I’m stuck in being miserable at work and nursing a massively pained heart.
Nobody said it was easy. This is much worse than break-ups. At the very least, you could still patch things up or come to terms living with the loss of the relationship. But losing a parent? I wouldn’t want to wish this great feeling of loss which I am feeling right now to anyone. You really can’t prepare ENOUGH when it comes to death. It takes a lot of time.
For my case, I wouldn’t know how long. I miss my dad so much.
I’ve never been good with speeches as well as being in big crowds. A mixture of both would already be quite fatal for my bashful my nature. But given the occasion, it only seems right that I stand up before you – regardless of how my hands are shaking, lips quivering, legs trembling, and voice cracking – to share my thoughts with you. So please bear with me if I stray from a thought or two, elaborate myself too much and want me to stop altogether. J
The past few days (and nights) have been a whirlwind of emotionally charged events – akin to one long hazy dream that I have yet to awaken. But I’m not here to talk about myself. Rather, I’m here to talk about my dad – how I knew him, how I’ve come to view him, and all the little and big things I’ll always remember about him. Sounds easy enough. But over the course of his wake, I have been making scratches on my mental draft on what I’ve wanted to say.
As his only daughter, the bond I share with my daddy is very special. During my childhood, I vaguely remember him carrying me around – when I ate something I didn’t like – trying to ease my discomfort. That was then I realized that regardless of what’s the taste of life, I will always have him to rely on to comfort me. I’ll tell you a little secret about my father. He was a magician! He had magic hands! When I was sick with fever and he was out to play with his band, he placed his hands on my forehead and put something beside me (a bottle) when he got home which cured my fever the next day. There was even one time he conjured up just like a real magician the biscuit I was craving to eat. Up until now I never knew how he did that. There are two things he did that always made me laugh. First was when he takes off his false teeth (after my constant prodding) and smile showing off his gums; second was his story of his childhood when he and his siblings were watching movies with their mom eating pansit during intermissions and bawling himself out in the comfort room thinking he was locked in because he thought the doorway out was to push instead of pulling the door. Cracks me up every time.
Always looking at the glass half full. Like the time when Erap became president and I commented on it, though he was against him Dad said: “Perhaps he could do something else for the country”. At one time I asked him why some people change their religion, a lesson he told me was: “It doesn’t matter. If that is the faith where that person has found his personal relationship with the Lord.” The depth of his insight and optimism surprises me. Something that is worth learning from.
We had our share of arguments and misunderstandings mainly because of my youthful impetus and mostly due to his stubborn nature, but we’ve always ironed things out. I will always remember his pride when I became an officer in PMT during HS, when I learned how to play the guitar (on my own!), impressing him with my psychobabble, and landing a job close to home among other things. Although he didn’t say it, he supported my basketball playing regardless if I was the only female player in our department’s team.
I thought I knew my dad well. But the past few days proved that there is always something new to discover in a person regardless of how long you’ve known him. In school we were taught that Man is a social being. Daddy would be an epitome of that statement. A true artist in its fullest form, a well-rounded musician with the most blessed talent in playing one instrument to another with a voice that reverberates strength and depth. His talent would rival the likes of those great composers seeking perfection in honing the craft of those who he was always teaching. His presence is always noticeable. A truly sociable person by nature, I doubt that there is a place he goes to without having someone to greet him along the way. A celebrity… so to speak.
Dad had a great passion in living and the good life. Always sharing how great the food was in this place, how nice the ambience was in another, and etc. However short, Dad enjoyed his “senior years”, hopping from one movie theater to another especially on Tuesdays, proudly showing off his senior citizen’s card in purchasing food and treating me and my mom out for dinner (me ending up footing the bill though). The words “Carpe Diem” (Seize the day) was his motto in life. During his last days, he lived his life the way he always had. Seeing me off to work, playing his favorite game – Bingo, being sweet and appreciative, always lightening up a serious situation with his signature Mario quotes, and always considering everybody’s welfare.
Dad always had great faith in his friends and the ties that bind them. Though I was quite skeptical about it, the past few days proved me wrong. With that, I am truly grateful for all of those who have come and shared their time and support to our family. Just like a rockstar in his final performance concert, his friends from all his “fan groups” were well-represented – BCBP, Neo Cathechumenal Way, Sacred Heart of Jesus Parish Obrero, ADDU, URC, CMF, Cursillo, neighbors, old and new friends, his officemates in VP, his Bingo classmates, his first and his last band.
To my friends, our dad – your ninong, your tito – was someone who I could always talk to about our barkada and strong friendship. He understood about great friendship as one of the great things I will truly treasure.
To my brothers and relatives, he was always proud of you and thinking of you. Dad would share stories like how Kuya Jomari was really good in detecting counterfeit money; how Kuya Marco was well-thought off by his boss; how smart Doniel was; how “makulit” but sweet and charming Gelai and Yanna was and how fast they seem to grow before his eyes.
And to my mom, he was always constantly worried when you get ill. Not because he was the one who was going to buy the medicine, but more so of the fact that he couldn’t do anything to alleviate your pain.
There were so many things he still wanted to do for himself and for his family. But God had other plans. We can’t argue with that. I’m not good with saying goodbyes and there’s a huge lump on my throat that’s already forming but as the scripture says: “Do not let trouble upset your hearts. Continue having faith in God and have faith in Me. There are many rooms in the house of My Father; if it were not so, I should have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you, I shall come back to take you with me, so that you to may be where I am. You know the way that leads to where I am.”
Typical of my dad to be always first in a lot of things.
Dad, I know you’re in a better place right now. And though I will miss you so much, I know that you are with the Lord. Don’t worry about me and mommy, we’ll be okay. I love you.