It’s been more than a week since my dad passed away. I’m still figuring out if it’s been quite long already. But I guess the hustle and bustle of every single day since he died – from the hospital to transporting his remains to the funeral parlor; the preparations of his wake; settling bills at the hospital; interment; death certificate processing; and the current daily prayers for 9 days – seem to put me in auto pilot. I still haven’t fully grieved yet. At times I find myself thinking when will Dad be coming home, when will I get to hear his voice, or what his opinion would be about some random thought running through my brain.
At times I believe I’ve come to accept that he’s truly gone, but I’m still searching for his presence. A lot have said it’s normal, but how can it be normal when you started your life knowing your parents have always been around you. Although at most times, they’ve been pushed into the background, but they’re there nonetheless.
God, I hate this…
I’ve lost interest in going to work. I’m still on leave so I’m not playing hokey. But if I had other options (means of earning money outside work), I would quit altogether. Sad to say, I still have no alternative plans. So I guess I’m stuck in being miserable at work and nursing a massively pained heart.
Nobody said it was easy. This is much worse than break-ups. At the very least, you could still patch things up or come to terms living with the loss of the relationship. But losing a parent? I wouldn’t want to wish this great feeling of loss which I am feeling right now to anyone. You really can’t prepare ENOUGH when it comes to death. It takes a lot of time.
For my case, I wouldn’t know how long. I miss my dad so much.