Time To Shine? Nuh Uh…
It’s been 2 weeks since my manager went on leave and never reported back to work. 2 weeks that my working world has turned upside down once again. Not barely a month did I have a constant companion under my department. The good thing was that when he jumped on board, there was little adjustment on my side since we were on the same wavelength. Though a bit bossy, his work ethics and capabilities are worth commending. The changes we’ve begun cascading in the Company was a team effort. He would willingly guide me and in more than a few times, have mentioned that whatever process he will be undergoing, will also be a learning process shared with me.
2 weeks. I feel like I’ve been on a bubble. I’m simply skating over the waters with the number of things I need to work out on. The project we started has left me groping for air and a lifeline to hang on to. Paper works here, legal cases there, vacancies to be filled, reports for submission, clerical tasks all around, and not to mention the frequent impromptu jobs that need immediate attention have been bombarding me day-to-day work life.
I’m shutting down. Sleepless nights thinking on what should be done, how to get things done but never actually handling it. I SUCK. I feel so useless. I’m ACTING USELESS. Sometimes I wonder why I get myself into these things. Why couldn’t I just be in a steady, organized, and amazingly setup company? I guess I just don’t have the confidence in myself.
I’m not blaming my former manager. He left in a haste due to family reasons. Just a brief background, his 6 year old son had a nephrotic kidney that needed continuous treatment already. And he feels his salary package here wouldn’t suffice to support his family. I’m blaming myself. I’m spreading myself too thinly. But I can’t help it! I’m only one person with a number of things that need immediate attention. I’ve requested for an OJT to assist in encoding and filing, my request was disapproved. I’m losing my energy and interest in working here. Sure the company’s fine but like I’ve mentioned in my previous post on work, there are a FEW things I’m not ecstatic about.
Anyway, I was able to keep in touch with Mr. HRManager asking for referrals on who could possibly take his post. In his own words, he texted me: “Like what I said to you previously, as per my assessment in my short stint in …, they do not need to hire an HR Manager. Naa na man ka (You’re already there). All they need is to hire 2 HR Assistant. Ang dapat lang buhaton ni owners is to support you (all the owners need to do is support you). Ayaw lang pud pataha sa mga tang-an (Don’t be intimidated by the “veterans”). Kaya naman nimo. (You can do it). Time to shine.”
Truly inspiring. When I read that, I felt a sense of pride reinvigorating my spirit. Finally, an immediate head who could vouch for what I could do. Very empowering too. Too bad the owners wouldn’t know about that. I mentioned it to one of our heads here that I could handle the department as long as I could hire 2 assistants. I’ve even plotted out our work assignments but sad to say, the owners had other things in mind.
So now, I’m staring at a large pile of paper works, not to mention the large amount of email that has been steadily streaming my inbox. I’m really not in the mood to work. Not yet. I’m so bad. I should be proactive and no amount of “buts” and “ifs” could justify my lack of interest.
Time to Shine? I guess… not. I sound so pathetic! Sorry for a bad read guys. I’m trying to put a positive note here. But I’m really down. -__-